A Better Road to Recovery

Some peoples inability to truly be present with others during tough times can push their loved ones into destruction and depression. 

"One of the ways we show people that we are present with them is how we listen," says Karen Kissel Wegela in her article Being a Good Listener. 

Sheryl Monette a chemical dependency and psychiatric nurse believes this to be true.

"It's critical to pause internal dialogue when working with people who have addictions or are struggling through tough times," Monette says. "People who want to help heal others need to listen. If people interrupt with comments, the person who is speaking will know that we aren't really paying attention."

Monette believes it is very important to attend to people who are going through tough times and to show that we are listening to them by using supporting cues. 

"Often you need to listen to what they are saying and especially what the are not saying," Monette says. "Using questions to clarify is a tool I use with people so they know I am listening. Asking for clarification also helps people elaborate on details and allows them to express their feelings more freely." 

Monette also says empathizing with people is key to get people on the road to recovery; whether it be an addiction or a horrible conversation with a significant other. 

"When I would see patients, sometimes we would only have 5 to 7 days to work with them," Monette says. "A key to recovery is having compassion when listening."

"It is also important to break through their denial system, and to do that you need come off as caring," Monette says. "Shutting down their denial system brings enlightenment."

Monette also believe asking good questions that are open ended are also important to Therapeutic Listening. 

"Asking good questions will get beyond the surface of an issue. By doing this you will learn what sets them off and you can then help them create coping skills, "Monette says. "Common triggers that set people off include: hunger, anger, loneliness and tiredness (HALT)."

Monette says to ask questions that begin with what and how and avoid using questions that begin with why.

"Asking questions such as, 'why did you do that' makes people feel like they have to justify what they did and can bring denial or excuses," Monette says. "Sometimes they don't even know 'why'."

Asking good questions shows an open mind and heart and invites people to open up; which is critical to successful Therapeutic Listening. 

Monette also says the person who is addicted to harmful substances is not the only one who suffers; the families do as well.

"In order for the family to help heal their family members recover, they should first focus on building a solid support base for themselves," Monette says. "Attending support groups, therapy and Alnon meetings will help them build a support base, which will help guide them."

Alnon meetings are free to attend and consist of supporting families. 

Monette's final piece of advice is to listen to the person. 

"Often they just want to be heard, and we tend to want to jump in and offer suggestions or fix the problem through giving advice," Monette says. "Start with listening."

The road to recovery can be difficult, wearing and demanding. But by listening well, we can help others create a positive attitude and speed up the road to recovery.